The story of remembering guests’ names and faces in Sri Lanka

Ambassador Trinh Thi Tam welcomes President of the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka Anura Kumara Dissanayaka at Noi Bai International Airport, May 4, 2025. (Source: VNA)

That’s why one of the soft skills I’ve tried to train myself in is remembering the names and faces of partners, so that when we meet again, I can greet them warmly, calling the right name and recognizing the right person, creating a sense of goodwill before starting the official conversation.

Yet, there have been no shortage of awkward, even laughable, moments due to mix-ups - sometimes amusing, but also at times rather troublesome - caused by my imperfect memory. I recall once chatting extensively about parliamentary relations with someone I was sure I had worked with during a Vietnamese parliamentary leader’s visit - only to realize halfway through the conversation that this person actually worked at the Presidential Secretariat, with whom I had also exchanged during a separate occasion.

In Sri Lanka, names are usually long - especially family names - and they don’t follow a set convention that makes it easy to tell male from female names. Even transliterations can be inconsistent. I remember after the Sri Lankan President’s visit to Viet Nam (May 2025), the Sri Lankan public questioned their Foreign Ministry about whether the President's name was "Dissanayake" or "Dissanayaka."

When I first arrived in Sri Lanka to take up my post, I found it quite difficult to remember the names of Sri Lankan leaders. To make reporting easier, I jotted down their names on a sticky note attached to my computer. But in actual meetings, that’s a different story - you can't exactly pull out a piece of paper just after a handshake and greeting, before even sitting down! So, during travel to a meeting, my “homework” was often not reviewing talking points but rehearsing the names of the leaders I was about to meet. That way, I could confidently greet them with proper pronunciation. My secretary understands this well and always helps me review their names, titles, and how to pronounce them before each meeting. I believe “a good greeting is better than a lavish feast” - a smooth introduction, knowing a few personal traits or hobbies of the guest, makes the conversation more engaging and heartfelt, which in turn helps achieve the meeting’s objectives.

Sri Lankan leaders are very friendly, and many have kindly allowed me to call them by shorter versions of their names - either the first or middle name - since family names are often long and hard to remember. This is helpful in informal settings. Still, in official situations, I try to use their full names or family names.

One of my “tips” is to spend a little time after each meeting or reception reviewing the business cards, saving phone numbers, names, and positions in an organized and easy-to-retrieve system - and rehearsing the names.

"Good afternoon, Honorable Deputy Minister Arun Hemachandra! I’m very pleased to see you again!".

As for facial recognition, Sri Lankans share many similar features, which make it hard for me to remember faces - especially among men with beards. After some unfortunate and silly mix-ups, I’ve learned to be cautious. If I’m unsure who someone is, I ask friendly, social questions to narrow it down. For example: “I feel like I’ve met you somewhere before.” If the guest replies, “Oh no, this is my first time…”, I sigh in relief - now I can start the conversation with a “fresh” guest. But if the guest responds cheerfully, “Oh yes, we’ve met before…”, then I need to ask more follow-up questions to figure out which organization they’re from and when we met… And so it goes - I keep chatting naturally while my brain works full speed to identify who they are, so I can steer the conversation in the right direction and show them they’re remembered and valued - even if it’s been a while since our last encounter.

To deal with this challenge, another of my “secret tricks” is to ask for a photo with the guest at each event -preferably a selfie, which is both trendy and useful for reviewing afterward. That’s how I reinforce my memory every day.

To outsiders, diplomacy may seem like an easy job - attending parties, receptions, travelling around, meeting with pleasant people … But behind every successful diplomatic activity lies a lot of learning and constant training in different skills. Remembering names and faces is one such skill I still practice every day.

Just a few musings as we approach the 80th anniversary of the founding of Viet Nam’s diplomatic Sector (1945–2025).

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